


All the Other Kids with the Pumped Up Kicks

by merryfortune



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Gen, Guns/Knives, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryfortune/pseuds/merryfortune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"One day my lucky charm is gonna be a knife and you fucks better run." - Marinette's Thoughts Twitter, Feb 1st 2016</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Other Kids with the Pumped Up Kicks

   It had finally happened and no one quite knew how to react.

   Ladybug glanced at Chat Noir. Chat Noir glanced at the villain of the day, “Cowboy” – youngster imitating his favourite anti-hero. Cowboy glanced at Ladybug. Ladybug smirked and held her Lucky Charm gratefully and easily masked her confusion.

   She had thrown her hand up in the air and kicked up gracefully. She had called out “Lucky Charm” in her happy-go-lucky voice and it had finally happened. She always knew this day would come but she didn’t actually think it would happen. Naturally, all she could think was: _You fucks better run_.

   Ladybug had a knife. She had a knife. She was known for her martial arts inspired pacifistic fighting style punctuated by creative thinking and peculiar items which usually seem completely and utterly irrelevant to the situation.

   ‘Uh oh.’ Cowboy muttered to himself and he cocked back his ridiculously inaccurate pistol. He seemed terrified of the knife in the superheroine’s hands. There wasn’t a reason to be however.

   Ladybug’s smirk disappeared. She might be naive and as innocent as a babe but she knew that only idiots brought knives to a gun fight so there must be a reason she had it. It was big and sharp but not exactly a machete or something actually intimidating.

   ‘My lady, what exactly are you planning?’ Chat Noir asked. His voice was wispy with concern. Ladybug brandished her knife and even her faithful partner seemed to skitter.

‘I’m not sure yet but give me a moment.’ Ladybug said. Their villain petulantly fired warning shots that went nowhere near them. Bullets that seemed to moo whizzed past them and into nearby office buildings.

‘I don’t mean to push you but you may want to hurry up.’ Chat Noir urged and Ladybug huffed.

   Her cobalt eyes darted around. The world greyed and she attempted to detect the objects scattered around this untidy Parisian street that would somehow connect to why she had a knife in her hands. Her eyes landed on a pair of bins and their lids lit up in red and black spots. She knew exactly what she was supposed to do with her knife.

   Ladybug huffed to herself. She had a knife Knives were good for shanking people and this was not the use that fate had intended for the spotty knife she was holding right now. Was the force that controlled her powers aware that a bunch of other objects that weren’t knives could do as intended? This was probably fate’s way of yanking her chain. There were days when a knife would be nice as a weapon and now that she got one, she couldn’t even use it as such.

   Ladybug dove on the lids. She rammed the knife into the handle and she created a makeshift shield. She then turned around gracefully and threw the second lid at Cowboy. He screeched as he avoided it and then she pounced. She pinned him down with her makeshift shield and Chat Noir breathed a sigh of relief in the background. Ladybug tore Cowboy’s hat off and destroyed it.

   A purplish coloured butterfly flitted out of the hat’s remains. Ladybug caught it in her yo-yo. ‘Bye, bye pretty butterfly.’ she whispered. The butterfly was purified. She tossed her knife in the air and it dissipated into red sparkles that neatened the street and Cowboy returned to being Manon’s obnoxious little “boyfriend” from earlier.

   ‘Pound it.’ Ladybug smiled and she offered her fist to Chat Noir.

‘Yeah, pound it.’ he said and he accepted her offer. ‘You know, your general okayness with the knife kind of scared me.’

‘You have a reliable staff. I have a yo-yo and a bag of marbles, an oven mitt, and literally anything else that is dumb. I deserve reliability.’ Ladybug huffed.

‘I suppose. Well, I gotta go.’ Chat Noir said and the sound of small beeps was in the air.

‘Same, bye, bye kitty-cat.’ Ladybug added. ‘And don’t worry. I’ll make sure Cowboy’s babysitter, Marie – Marinette? – gets here soon.’

‘I know you will.’ Chat Noir agreed.

   The two superheroes escaped the scene whilst the villain formerly known as “Cowboy” sobbed and wailed for his babysitter.


End file.
